Ten Things You'll Never Hear From A Southern Boy...

1. Oh I just couldn't, she's only sixteen.
2. You can't feed that to the dog.
3. I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.
4. Trim the fat off that steak.
5. My fiance, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.
6. Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
7. Duct tape won't fix that.
8. I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today.
9. I'll have the arugula and radicchio salad.
10. Nope, no more for me. I'm drivin'.

( Jogen ) I'm bored. Let's start a list of our own.
1. I think fuzzy dice are gauch.
2. Thank God for Lincoln!
3. Repeal the Second amendment.
4. Texas is the best thing about The South.
5. Mississippi is NOT Darwin's waiting room.

( Dan )
6. Let 'er up boys, I think she's had enough.
7. They really should put a stop sign at that intersection.
8. I'm trying to cut back on carbs.
9. You've never been to Boston??
10. I can't wear these overalls, they're too big.

( Jogen ) Dude, #6 is just WRONG!
1. Let's go skiing this winter.
2. My momma's a hoe.
3. Family, in general, is not that important.
4. Thank God for the ATF.
5. We should all convert to Islam.

( Dan )
6. Why yes, these are dreadlocks...
7. Education should be our highest priority.
8. Do you by Mrs. or Ms.?
9. Little Zeke needs braces.
10. I was getting tired of the stars and bars anyway.

( Albert )
10. I believe that those foreign workers are really pulling their weight in this new economy.
9. No I prefer pants without any pockets!
8. Obviously we need to update our state flag to reflect our state's progressive new image.
7. Just cause he was on my property dont give me no right to shoot him!
6. I dont care who wins - I just like rooting for the best team!
5. I'm having a big party for the 4th of July - I think it'll be better than the usual barbeque!
4. I have mixed feelings about Gettysburg.
3. Vivien Leigh? I think they should have cast an American - no matter where she was from!
2. Foghorn Leghorn Talks funny.
1. Hey you guys, stop slurping the Lobster chowder and help me find my squash racket before the Yankees game comes on.

( Jogen )
1. OH BOY! Vegetarian Food!
2. Gays and Lesbians are responsible for so much of our wonderful Avant-Garde culture.
3. I've decided to stop Backyard Wrestling to write Haiku.
4. Who needs "Freebird" when you can listen to the melifluous sounds of Kenny G.
5. NASCAR isn't good for the environment.

( Dan )
6. Now boys, it's not nice to tease the dog.
7. Dig that crazy rhythm!
8. Honey, where do we keep the vacuum cleaner?
9. She's real purdy, but it would be taboo, allowin as how she's my 2d cousin.
10. Now son, don't drive like them Duke boys. That's just TV.

( Fran )
1) we're thinking of trading in the truck for one of those new s.u.v.s
2) of course you HAVE to wear shoes, billy, haven't you ever heard of tapeworm?
3) (to his date) so, you want to split the check?
4) no grits, thanks, i'm more of a Quinoa fan
5) no, longer on top, short on the back and sides.

( Albert )
10. The best thing the troopers ever did wastuh hire that NYPD consultant.
9. What is that square bottle there with the black label?
8. Chicago has a really rocking blues scene!
7. Well of course Janet Reno had to intervene.
6. If I got rid of the broken stove and them 3 rusted engines, i could build a nice deck and Jacuzzi !
5. I'll be the first one in my family to not get a degree!

( Dan )
4) Damn. The parking lot is full ...
3) But then he looked me right in the eye, and I just couldn't pull the trigger..
2) Why sure Bruce, we'd love you to take the kids camping...
1) What does the church know about science education?

( Essien )
1. Look I got a 22 revolver, I don't see why I need another gun.
2. No Bubba, I think the correct term is African-American not Black.
3. That's why I like the GEOs, gas mileage is everything.
4. Me n' Jess is fixin to go to a animal right rally to stop the hunting of defenseless animals.
5. I can't believe what they want for box seats to the Four Tenors.
6. Why can't we do like France, raise taxes to pay for services.
7. Fixing your car on the front lawn is so gauche
8. What's a monster truck.
9. Why can't we let the Federal government decide if its right or wrong and keep the church out of it.
10. I'm going to move to a more ethnically diverse neighborhood.

( Jogen )
1. Of course we don't have to, we can just cuddle (O.K. so that's ANY man).
2. Southerner? I'm most happy about being human.
3. Women at VMI is the best thing that happened to that place.
4. College football is better without beer.
5. I'll never hit my wife again.

( Fran )
1. we decided to use birth control.
2. the people at the adoption agency have a nice little nigerian boy for us.
3. it was probably just the reflection off a satellite, there's no such thing as aliens and ufos.
4. i went on a date with the preacher's daughter and she wouldn't put out!?
5. haven't you ever heard of a leash?
6. i just got ticket for the phish concert...can't wait!
7. mom said i can start taking digeradoo lessons!
8. i was looking at university of michigan, but i don't know, miami of ohio is offering me a real nice financial aid package.
9. my favourites are the pacific northwest microbrews.
10. i just can get the souflee to stay puffy, maybe i'm not mixing it enough?

( Albert )
10. If we stopped teaching our kids how to shoot, theyd be less violence in our society.
9. Sex education at an early age will allow children to respect the act of love.
8. Just because Catholic priests cant marry dont mean theres anything funny about em.
7 Jerry Springer's show is as fake as wrestling!
6. I need to get smaller tires on my truck!
5. I know I grew up with your dad Zed, I just think that new kid Mohammed Shabazz will make a better football coach!

( Fran )
what's a leonard skinner?