To those extremists that perpetrated a great crime against our nation, I have a warning for you: Though you are irrational, twisted, and completely inhuman; we're STILL more nuts than you, and it should scare you senseless.
So -- you're so nutty you think that when you die for your cause, you go to Paradise an live perpetually with 70 virgins, can leave reservations for 70 members of your family, all your sins are forgiven, and you sit at the side of Allah. BIG FREEKIN' DEAL: We had 39 guys who rented a Beverly Hills mansion, cut off their gonads, built a web site to tell everybody about it, and proceeded to poison themselves to death to hitch a ride with space aliens out on the Hale-Bopp comet!
SO WHAT that you're so stoopid you shoot guns into the sky to celebrate victories over enemies, and people are killed by the bullets raining down on them. We not only do this for New Year's Eve, but we burn houses, tear up streets, loot and ransack our stores, and beat ourselves senseless when our sports teams win championships. Sports teams!
- We made a sequel to Police Academy 5.
- We gave a major award for singing to two guys who never even sang.
- We put little sweaters on dogs. We leave our fortunes to cats!
- We call the agency that takes care of outdoors the Department of the INTERIOR!
- One of our guys shot John Lennon six times and didn't even aim for Yoko Ono!
How much crazier can you get?
We think Elvis is still alive...We write "off" on light switches that you can't read in the dark. We put Braille on drive-up automatic teller machines. We think that a button on a web site that says "Do not click if you're under 21" will do something besides cause a person under 21 to click on it.
We take a large chunk of the island on which those buildings you destroyed sat and pretend that it isn't a part of our country, and let foreign spies who want to kill us fly in to our airports - So that we can drive them in limousines to our fanciest hotels - So that they will be comfortable before they drive like maniacs to a building on that property of ours we act like isn't ours (that WE pay a bunch of rent on ) -- and park illegally, so they won't be late for their speech in which they speak horrible things against us. Afterwards, they get drunk out of their minds and run over our citizens as they drive back to the HERTZ booth at the airport, where we put them in first class and fly them back home without a scratch. TOP THAT, Taliban man !
We sell hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight. We can't even decide if pitchers should have to bat for themselves. And those baseball fields we've got-- well, none of them are even remotely the same size.
We gave millions of dollars to a guy that told us God was going to "take him home" if he didn't raise enough money. When he didn't get enough money, and he didn't die, we gave him more money in celebration of the fact that God didn't take him.
We've managed to keep the formulas for Coca-Cola and Kentucky Fried Chicken secret for decades, and we encrypt the most banal communications on our Information Superhighway-- yet we give away our most important nuclear secrets to the Chinese and Russians at the drop of a hat.
SO -- with all this on the A-1 Psycho balance sheet, do you still think you're more whacked than us, and that your recent deeds won't result in your complete and utter annihilation? You're toast, buddy!
We may not know where you guys are now, but when we do find you -- I guarantee you, that even though the majority of our high school children will still have no idea where on the globe you are buried -- you will STILL end up being buried.
We'll rain down Hell and fire on your worthless hides.
Oh yes ! It will all come down on you, because we're nuts enough to give all four of our branches of military services extremely powerful and deadly aircraft even though only one of them is actually called an Air Force.
Picking a fight with the most insane nation on Earth with the hope that your message and influence will spread throughout the world, well, that's just downright stupid, STUPID !